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Thursday, June 30, 2022

The Cat Owner's Guide to TV


Our cat Pipsqueak loves watching TV. She can spend hours on her favourite seat in the back porch staring through the screen at the Big Backyard Channel. Of course, its programming is rather erratic. Sometimes there’s nothing on for hours but the station identification. Sometimes the screen shows nothing but snow. And the regular programming is frequently taken over by the Crow News Network. While the announcers sound excited, it seems to be the same old stories in rotation, a nest invasion, a knocked-over garbage can, a bun fight down at the grocery store parking lot.

The broadcast day starts with Songbird Singalong. While Pipsqueak would love to catch that live, we’re generally still in bed so she has to settle for the audio version. Rockin’ Robin Digs for the Hits comes on later but it’s shot from a distance so not that engrossing. The soap opera Squirrels of Maple Tree Place airs several times a day. I’m never sure if I should let her watch it, though, as there’s sometimes bad language.

The pirate breaking-news show Intruder Alert, which follows strange cats as they prowl through the neighbourhood, is her can’t miss. She’s evidently signed up to get messages when it’s on because she’ll leap up from a sound sleep and go trotting purposefully to the porch. If she can’t find it there she makes the rounds of the other windows to see if it’s on an alternative channel.

Bunny Theatre pops up sometimes in the early morning or late afternoon and is a particular favourite of hers and ours, though since there’s no on-screen translation we’re not sure what it’s about. Personally, I think it’s interpretive dance. My husband thinks it's a rabbit version of Benny Hill.

Pipsqueak is convinced that the best programming is on late at night and is miffed that we won’t let her stay up to watch it. She’s sometimes very, very quiet when bedtime approaches, hoping we’ll forget she’s in the back porch and she can catch an episode of The Masked Bandit of Trashcan Alley.

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